Could I have grasping at straws for 400 please Alex

I was bored searching craigslist for transvestite hookups for A-train, so I decided to check out my local newspaper for entertainment. Notice I didn't say news, because the Democrat and Chronicle really hasn't provided me with any news since I discovered the Internet. However on this day, there was a little story. A little story about a guy named Teyo Johnson. Who is Teyo Johnson. He's never had a song written about him like Mike Jones, but he bares mentioning because he's the Bills answer to our Tight End problem. Yes we have a problem. We have a problem worth addressing in a place like... oh I don't know.. the draft. He has a grand total of 26 receptions, 3 of them for touchdowns. He gained 288 yards while grabbing the aformentioned 26 receptions. This of course over four years.

I might have to start drinking heavily before watching a football game, just so I don't go insane. I'll just think I'm hallucinating again because I'm drunk....not that the Bills just signed a TE who is the castoff of Raiders, the Cardinals and the Broncos. All of whom have gone to the...no wait, they haven't done shit.

The Dolphins are a professional football team? Surely you jest!

I have dreamed a dream, and now that dream is gone from me.

Around mid-season, I realized we were in the middle of something amazing. The Patriots could go 16-0 (ugh) and the Dolphins could go 0-16 (yay!). As a Bills fan, I hate every other team in the AFC East, but I hate the Dolphins the most. Squish the Fish isn't a saying, it's a way of life. So the prospects of them going 0-16 and another team going undefeated and getting rid of that god-awful champagne toast...well, I was excited about the idea. Even if it meant having to endure even more Patriots loving, I was willing to endure it. Why? The pain and suffering I knew the Dolphins fans would have to deal with.

But thanks to those stupid fucks the Ravens, that dream is gone from me. Gone forever.

Shut your hole, Skip

I know it's not new to hate Skip Bayless. It's fun to poke at him, and talk about things that would make his head explode (how awesome would that be?) and laugh at him about that time Jay Feely laid the verbal smack-down on Skip about kickers.

But this morning while I was watching SportsCenter and eating my breakfast I watched Skip Bayless debate who would win the Heisman. Mary May said that Tebow should win it, and Skip launched into Mark about how Mark May should be worried that Tebow is a system QB, not really that good, won't be a great NFL QB.

For fucks sake Skip, the Heisman is not an award for 'who will be the best NFL prospect'. That's what the NFL draft is for. Yes, often times the Heisman winner is drafted and tanks. But there are plenty of other college award winners who don't pan out either. It's the nature of the NFL.

Now if your excuse me, I need to go to my companies holiday party and get shit-faced.