Its about god damn time

The Yankees have gone ahead and done something smart. Its one of those moves that will pay dividends for four years. I'm talking about offering Cano a four year deal, which goes against their position of giving young players multi year contracts and instead, wasting their money, draft picks, prospects and my time by getting expensive free agents in the open market. Sure they have an ass load of money because of the yes network and the fact that they play in New York. Not to mention that you can now buy a Yankees hat in the color pink which in my opinion is a sin. You shouldn't wear a hat because it matches your outfit, you should wear it because you support the team. Anyways, I look forward to a time in my life where the Yankees have homegrown talent, instead of watching said talent play on other teams.

Cano, unlike my friend Tommy Computer who wore a Cano jersey to the bars and while walking outside almost fell down, forcing the bouncer to say "twenty two is going down", because he's so drunk....will be around for at least a little while longer along with the rest of the young team. I like to watch a group of players called a team, not a group of players that can only be classified as a group of players who used to be good, but have bad backs, steroid addictions, and a medley of other problems (cocaine or domestic issues for instance).

John Daly lives the kind of life you dream about

The other day John Daly had to pull out of the Bob Hope Classic with a rib injury. Apparently John spent the previous night singing 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' with Alice Cooper. But that's not all. He also attended two tournament parties, an after party, and told a reporter to ignore the drinking. Hmm, you're right. Does seem a little strange. Wait, what's that you say? He was helped out of the after party by an unidentified man? There we go. Glad to see John was able to save par. I thought he was about to bogey that one!

Joking aside, that sounds like a pretty typical night for Daly. In fact, the only strange thing I see with everything is the choice in songs. 'School's Out' or 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' would be a little more familiar to and appropriate for Alice Cooper. Then again, the way Daly parties, 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' is probably the best song Daly could sing. I'm sure Heath Ledger wishes he'd sung that.

I never understand why everyone gets all pissy with John Daly drinking and smoking. While I've never played golf (Buck plays games, not me) from what I understand, drinking and smoking is not only acceptable, but encouraged! They actually have a sweet 20-something year old hottie follow you around with a cart stocked with beer, yours for the taking (for a nominal fee). Not to mentioned the legendary 19th hole. You're even allowed to drive!

What a bunch of hypocrites.

The longest two weeks in sports just got longer

Normally the two weeks between conference championship games and the super bowl is, in a word, excruciating. It's filled with a lot of predictions, a lot of hype, and then a massive let down when the game blows ass. It's getting worse though. You used to be able to bank on the commercials entertaining you after you realized there's no way the team you bet on is covering the spread. But for the past few years even the legendary commercials haven't been as strong.

This year the two weeks is different though. Mainly because it's all pointless. The Pats are going to win. Why the fuck even bother if the commercials are going to blow too. So now I find myself looking into February not for football, but for baseball. That's right folks! Pitchers and catchers report in three and a half weeks! You thought I had a drinking problem with the NFL? Wait until you watch me try and grind through 162 games with those pink-hat wearing fuckheads over in Fenway. I'll be dead by the all-star break, I just know it.

Spurned by Garrett, Ravens turn to Tom Emanski...errrr John Harbaugh

Apparently, Jason Garrett wanted the loot.  The Paper.  The cash.   That and he didnt want to be tied down to an aging roster of has been playmakers in need of a complete offensive overhaul.

Garrett, who was brought into Dallas last year to be the offensive coordinator and head coach to be, turned down overtures from both Baltimore and Atlanta to, instead, collect a fattie paycheck as the assistant HC and OC in Dallas.  Reports have his deal at 3 million per.  The Ravens were offering just under 3.  So instead of having to deal with finding a new receiver corps, a new QB, offensive line help and help along an aging defense, Garrett will inherit a talented Cowboys team that will invariably fire their Mayor McCheese-looking coach, Wade "My Father's Name is Bum But He Was Still Highly Regarded" Phillips.

Meanwhile in The Clap Capital of the East Coast (or Baltimore as its known in Maryland), the Ravens hired John Harbaugh.  No, not Jim Harbaugh...his brother, John.  He spent last year as the secondary coach for the Philadelphia Eagles.  The Eagles were ranked 18th against the pass this past season.  I imagine that the bitter taste of defeat is running through the 14 secondary coaches who Harbaugh "outperformed" and I'm sure he 17 that out performed him are rightfully red assed.

Harbaugh comes from a long line of mediocre NFL talent and should be able to turn the Ravens around because he's younger than 3/4 of the roster.  Good luck with that champ.

Personally the Good Doc (thats me, I dont spend time explaining my nicknames and handles I just let other people catch up...I call it the DB Cooper method) think that Baltimore, whose offense has been stagnant for as long as this NFL guy can remember, should have gone back to the basics.  They should have called the coach of the AAU back to back to back national champion baseball team.  Baseball you say?  Well seeing as how the Baltimore ranked a sterling 25th in passing, maybe a back to the basics approach is what is needed to throwing the ball.  Not to mention that Mr. Emanski has a far greater coaching history than John Harbaugh.  Maybe the Crime Dog could sway their opinions.

The old guard vs. the new guard

I never thought that I would refer to Tom Brady as the Old Guard along with Brett Farve, but I think its justified. Both have very attractive wives/girlfriends. Brett's wife still looks banging after the boob cancer. According to a well placed source in green bay, Mrs. Farve sometimes will leave the house looking less than perfect, but lets be honest.... I work at a grocery store and there are way more people who will never be attractive no matter what they do, so if someone wants to have a down day... so be it.

Not bad right ?

Tom Brady managed to hook it up with not one but two vagainas worth looking at with an intensity seen only by your computer screen when you decide to rub one out.


Bridget Moynahan managed to have a uterus made of steel, because any other womans uterus couldn't hold his sperm. At least thats what Bill Simmons believes.

The second girl is Gisele Bundchen, or the one of the worlds richest and hottest supermodels.




Fuck man.... the old guard has attractive women by their sides.

Lets take a look at the new guard. By this I mean Philip and Elisha. The #1 and #4 draft picks that ended up switching. This might of also helped out the 'bolts a bit when they picked up Shawn and Nate in the subsequent drafts.

Using Wikepedia as a source, Elisha Manning... not gay. Who knew. Apparently he's been dating this broad for a couple of years. She's really not doing anything for his self confidence, because look at the kid. They look like they are still juniors at the fraternity date party.







But good for you Eli, because before this blog post, I was sure that you were gay.

Now onto people who probably surf the internet in womens underwear. Phillip Rivers. This jackass is married with three kids. Who knew. I sure didn't.

I can't find a picture of this biddy on the internets..... so I'm not going to make fun of her.

Things that I think will happen on this given Sunday

1)Eli will have boogers frozen to his lips and his mom will come out during halftime to wipe them away... all on t.v.
2)Al Harris will just destroy any hope that Plaxico has of being the superstar he should be but won't be because he's what my 3rd grade teacher called me "Talented but lazy"
3)Shawne Merriman will collect a bounty from Big Daddy Drew for Tom Brady's knees
4)L.T. will gain no more than 75 yards agains the pats. Lightning will be stopped by the stiffness of colonial america

5)I will spend the day enjoying my couch, my remote, and occasionally getting up to have explosive shits....

Mitchapalooza part two: The Rocket gets angry

Roger got pissed at the reporters. Like very pissed. Pissed like someone who was hiding something and was using anger to try and force his point. This is a common used technique. Its also a symptom of steroid abuse. That whole rage thing. Some of the "analysts"who are employed by espn actually had some good point(s). The first one, and probably the only one worth talking about was that Roger never asked the Bri-man to change his story in any way because if he did, it could be considered witness tampering. I'm not a legal expert and I don't claim to be. I once went to traffic court for the experience, but this made sense. Although I really don't see the Bri-man getting on the stand in defense of Roger, seeing as how Roger just sued his ass in civil court.

Lets take a look at Rogers stats.

-He was a force on the mound for 7-8 years in bean town. Then he kinda shit the bed and was traded to the Blue Jays.
-He was a Blue Jay for two years and was cash money.
-Then he became a Yankee. He played for five years and was a twenty game winner once, but was kinda eh....well in the post season. There was that game he pitched against Boston and was shelled.
-14 and 10 post season pitching record...I've seen better, but I've seen way worse. Considering the pressure and the fact that I couldn't do it. I'm just going to make generalizations that can't be argued due to the wiggle room in the statement..

I think he took the 'roids. Then again everyone in the 50's thru the 80's took greenies. I learned about it from Jim Bouton.

Roger did make a statement that he didn't care about the Hall of Fame. I think thats shit. I dreamed of being in the HOF when I was in T-Ball.

Bowlin'

Hawaii went bowling this weekend, and Colt Brennan wound up throwing a bunch of gutter balls. Get it? Yeah, fuck you too.

I missed out on the excitement of the Florida/Michigan game due to be extremely hungover from the previous nights festivities. And tired too. Pucking up 5 pounds of Goldfish crackers takes a lot out of you! However, I can say that Michigan's victory being a huge upset shows you just how far Lloyd Carr - and Michigan in general - has fallen over the course of this year.

Then came the Rose Bowl. Started off well, assuming you were a USC fan. The Illini were able to hang around for a quarter thanks to their defense, but Juice Williams just couldn't get anything going against the USC defense. In the end USC flexed their impressive offensive and defensive muscles and crushed the Illini, much like their namesake was once before.

And of course, there's Hawaii. SEC is better than the WAC. By a lot. That wasn't even close. The score was close at first, but you could tell Georgia was simply wearing down the Rainbow Warriors so they could dominate the second half. And that they did. Georgia didn't even need to blitz to get pressure on Colt Brennan, and when they did, it wasn't pretty. I'm guessing this game cost Colt Brennan a lot of money, as I seriously doubt he'll be drafted in the first round after this game. He'll be a steal for a good team in need of a solid back-up with a quick release though if he slips past the 3rd round.