Draft Bukkake

The draft is almost over, so a couple of quick blows before I try and wrap my head around the whole thing tomorrow:

Dolphins: Drafted a lineman! Seeing as their line could best be described as 'a point of serious concern' drafting a stud lineman is a safe bet. They also drafted Chad Henne, which means the John Beck era might be coming to a close. Chad has a few knocks against him, one of which is being a bit 'statuesque' in the pocket. Good thing they drafted Long. They're still going to suck next year though.

Falcons: Drafted a quarterback! And he loves dogs! Yay! The Falcons need a lot of help, but Matt Ryan will at least have a decent running back in Turner to help him get acclimated to the NFL, and by that I mean getting his ass kicked for 16 weeks. Atlanta's lack of receivers has been well documented, and combined with Ryan's almost Favre-esque ability to put passes right between the numbers of opposing defenders this will be a long season for Atlanta.

Patriots: Drafted a linebacker! And he's under 35! Yay! Patriots fans cheered lustily, then started booing when they found out he was another one of those damn dahkies. The Pats roster is going to be almost half dahkie at the rate they're going! Patriots fans found happiness in the 3rd round, when the Patriots drafted Kevin O'Connell from San Diego State. The name alone will grant him demi-god status in the greater Boston area, and the fact that he's, you know, sorta good will help the Patriots run up the score while still putting in their backups. Everyone wins! Except the Dolphins. They're still gonna get raped this season.

Bills: Drafted a cornerback! Yay! He will be the next in a long line of first-round cornerbacks that come to Buffalo, get really good, and then leave for bigger and better things (mainly bags of money) once their rookie contract is up. The legacy also includes leaving AFC East receivers so open you could land a plane on the field around them. But we'll leave that for the regular season.

And hey, they got one of those wide receiver dudes to help out. James Hardy is tall, fast, and can jump really high, which are all good things. He also has character issues, stemming from an incident where he slapped around his girlfriend and their kid. He would have fit right in with Randy Moss and the Patriots, but hey, the Bills will take him and hopefully go to middle of the pack with their red zone offense. Yeah, they'll run a ton of fades to the back corner with him, but I can live with that as long as they throw out the 3rd-and-goal shovel passes.