Mirapex

Tom Brady is on Mirapex. How do I know this.

1)He has restless leg syndrome. This is one way he could of injured his foot causing him to wear the boot. Every woke up in a hold sweat and kicked your wall? Every strained your foot trying to get it untangled from the sheets that are in one big knot because you've got the jimmy leg ?

You have restless leg syndrome.

2)I'm going to quote the website here

"There have been reports of patients taking certain medications to treat Parkinson's disease or RLS, including MIRAPEX, that have reported problems with gambling, compulsive eating, and increased sex drive. It is not possible to reliably estimate how often these behaviors occur to determine which factors may contribute to them. If you or your family members notice that you are developing unusual behaviors, talk to your doctor."

Sex drive. What would cause you to date two supermodels. An increased sex drive thats what. Dump the baby moma for some more sex cause she's on the whole can't get it on for 6 weeks cause I just slid an 8 pound human out my crotch. If you were a normal person not on mirapex, you could wait it out. But not someone with an increased sex drive and someone who likes to take chances.... or gamble for that matter

Onto the gambling. He's taken some chances. Every time young Thomas steps out onto the field he is risking getting the shit kicked outta him and most of his knee removed by force. Plus Osi likes to shit on people so there's that chance too. Thats a huge risk cause Osi has to eat something like 5-6000 calories a day. Its probably like cleaning up after a St. Bernard with a shitzu pooper scooper.


3)He is developing unusual behavior. He's from Boston and he's modest. Thats fucking really unusual. You ever met a quiet Boston Fan ? You might of but they are blocked out by the thousands of loud ones.



this theory of course is complete bullshit and consists of me watching t.v. mid day, seeing the ad on t.v. and then having to take a monster dump. Taking a monster dump when you aren't prepared with reading material can cause you to think. Alot. Plus I was well rested as I had nothing better to do than watch t.v. at 1pm.

The economics of baseball

I'm a Yankees fan. I always have been. I used to watch games on t.v. with my mother and pull up whomever was batting from my collection of Yankees cards and examine their stats. I subscribed to Yankee magazine. I understand that the Yankees have what most people would describe as an excessive payroll. In understand that they have destroyed the free agent market whenever they felt like it (except when it came to bidding on the services of a certain pitcher from the land of the rising sun)

I would like to see a salary cap in baseball. Forget the concept of a luxury tax, because thats a fucking joke. The Yankees, Rangers, Dodgers, Redsox etc. make so much money off their local networks broadcasting games on various cable networks that they can afford to pay the luxury tax. We all know you can buy a world series ring when you want to (especially when Dwight Gooden runs out of peruvian nose powder).

The reason this is on my mind ? The Mets trading for Santana. Why did the twins give up one of the best pitchers in baseball, and the ace of their staff ? Its not because they are in a rebuilding mode, or they felt they received a deal that they couldn't pass up, but because they knew that they couldn't afford to keep him on their payroll and still make money. The Twins play in a small market, unlike the Yankees, or the Redsox. They really don't have a solid fan base outside of the land of the ten thousand lakes. Sure there is the oddball who moved for a job or college, or that stuff they call love, but lets be honest, people only go on long term vacations from Min. They don't move away. The Twins also haven't had a very storied history in baseball like the Redsox, or the Yankees, or for that matter a team like the Packers or the 49ers, or the Cowboys who seem to have an oddly larger number of fans in upstate New York. I'm rambling here, but my point is that the Twins don't have the large economic engine to pay for players that other teams have. This makes it much more difficult for teams like the Twins to stay competitive. Sure they made it to the playoffs and using Billy Bean, the A's made it too with a small payroll, but those aren't teams that can grow into a dynasty because they are split up as soon as everyone becomes a free agent.

We also must comment on the greed of the players who make so much money. Let me tell you, if you got offered 5 million dollars or 10 million dollars, you tell me, in a serious voice, that you will accept the five million because you love the game. Bull shit. You are taking that ten million and putting it in the bank, because with ten million a year for 3 years, you won't have to work ever again. You can live off the interest. You can fucking coach little league with your kids everyday, because you are rich, doing something you love. I could also dig into my college notes and look up the Cognitive dissonance theory and apply it to such people as Barry Zito

2001	Oakland Athletics	$240,000
2002	Oakland Athletics	$295,000
2003	Oakland Athletics	$1,000,000
2004	Oakland Athletics	$3,000,000
2005	Oakland Athletics	$5,600,000
2006	Oakland Athletics	$7,900,000
2007	San Francisco Giants	$10,000,000

This is a snapshot of Mr. Zito's earnings as a baseball player.

Lets take a look at his Win Loss record.

2001 17-8
2002 23-5
2003 14-12
2004 11-11
2005 14-13
2006 16-10
2007 11-13

Really what this data shows is that as soon as Mr. Zito started earning the big bucks (over a million dollars that is), he started shitting the metaphorical bed. Now lets travel back to that long named theory that I mentioned early. When you apply this theory to a persons job, it basically states that if you earn to much money for something that you enjoy that you wouldn't be motivated internally anymore and that it would destroy the very reason that you love doing the job. Basically Barry Zito felt that he was getting paid to much for a job that he used to love doing, but since he decided to be a bit greedy (And I would to, I'm not faulting the guy here) that he isn't doing so hot any more.

This of course isn't taking into account other factors such as the rest of the team he was playing with, or the fact that he how had to step up to the plate 62 times last year as a hitter in the NL. Things like that can tire a man out. I'm just drawing conclusions from two pieces of data that totally ignore the rest of the possibilities. Yes Stephen A. Smith, I'm a horrible blogger.

Could I have grasping at straws for 400 please Alex

I was bored searching craigslist for transvestite hookups for A-train, so I decided to check out my local newspaper for entertainment. Notice I didn't say news, because the Democrat and Chronicle really hasn't provided me with any news since I discovered the Internet. However on this day, there was a little story. A little story about a guy named Teyo Johnson. Who is Teyo Johnson. He's never had a song written about him like Mike Jones, but he bares mentioning because he's the Bills answer to our Tight End problem. Yes we have a problem. We have a problem worth addressing in a place like... oh I don't know.. the draft. He has a grand total of 26 receptions, 3 of them for touchdowns. He gained 288 yards while grabbing the aformentioned 26 receptions. This of course over four years.

I might have to start drinking heavily before watching a football game, just so I don't go insane. I'll just think I'm hallucinating again because I'm drunk....not that the Bills just signed a TE who is the castoff of Raiders, the Cardinals and the Broncos. All of whom have gone to the...no wait, they haven't done shit.

The Goldenboy strikes again!

Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio had a photo shoot this weekend in South Beach. I should also mention she’s three months pregnant. Here's a picture of her in case you've been living under a rock or something:
Very nice, yes? Now, why am I mentioning this in a sports blog? Because there's only one man who could have done this:
Yes, that's right. Tom "the Golden Boy" Brady has struck again. After plowing through Bridget Moynahan, he moved on to Gisele Bundchen. But I guess that wasn't enough. No, now he's had to go and knock up Alessandra Ambrosio. Now, this is totally unsubstantiated, but it makes about as much sense as any of the other shit that's happened this season. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

8 Shots? Sounds like a nice Saturday Night!

  After Saturday's 3rd round at the 2008 Buick Invitational, Tiger Woods - surprise, surprise - sits at the top of the leader board at 18-under par.  That means that one out of every three holes has been birdied by Woods in his first 54 holes.  This is astounding.  I've golfed probably 3000 holes in my life, 6 of which were birdies.  6.  Not even 60.  Fucking 6.  I dont know whether to worship the ground El Tigre walks on or to never touch a golf club again...

Dating back to last year's Bridgestone Invitational Tiger has finished in the following places first, first, second, first, first and now, with an eight shot lead and a completely demoralized field, he is poised to win AGAIN.  Tiger is like the Bishop from Caddyshack...except its not raining, there is no divine strikes from the sky and oh yeah he does it EVERYTIME HE GOLFS.  Who would have thought that the single most intimidating athlete in the world would one day be an african-asian-caucasian American Golfer?  Earl Woods...thats who.

Its about god damn time

The Yankees have gone ahead and done something smart. Its one of those moves that will pay dividends for four years. I'm talking about offering Cano a four year deal, which goes against their position of giving young players multi year contracts and instead, wasting their money, draft picks, prospects and my time by getting expensive free agents in the open market. Sure they have an ass load of money because of the yes network and the fact that they play in New York. Not to mention that you can now buy a Yankees hat in the color pink which in my opinion is a sin. You shouldn't wear a hat because it matches your outfit, you should wear it because you support the team. Anyways, I look forward to a time in my life where the Yankees have homegrown talent, instead of watching said talent play on other teams.

Cano, unlike my friend Tommy Computer who wore a Cano jersey to the bars and while walking outside almost fell down, forcing the bouncer to say "twenty two is going down", because he's so drunk....will be around for at least a little while longer along with the rest of the young team. I like to watch a group of players called a team, not a group of players that can only be classified as a group of players who used to be good, but have bad backs, steroid addictions, and a medley of other problems (cocaine or domestic issues for instance).

John Daly lives the kind of life you dream about

The other day John Daly had to pull out of the Bob Hope Classic with a rib injury. Apparently John spent the previous night singing 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' with Alice Cooper. But that's not all. He also attended two tournament parties, an after party, and told a reporter to ignore the drinking. Hmm, you're right. Does seem a little strange. Wait, what's that you say? He was helped out of the after party by an unidentified man? There we go. Glad to see John was able to save par. I thought he was about to bogey that one!

Joking aside, that sounds like a pretty typical night for Daly. In fact, the only strange thing I see with everything is the choice in songs. 'School's Out' or 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' would be a little more familiar to and appropriate for Alice Cooper. Then again, the way Daly parties, 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' is probably the best song Daly could sing. I'm sure Heath Ledger wishes he'd sung that.

I never understand why everyone gets all pissy with John Daly drinking and smoking. While I've never played golf (Buck plays games, not me) from what I understand, drinking and smoking is not only acceptable, but encouraged! They actually have a sweet 20-something year old hottie follow you around with a cart stocked with beer, yours for the taking (for a nominal fee). Not to mentioned the legendary 19th hole. You're even allowed to drive!

What a bunch of hypocrites.

The longest two weeks in sports just got longer

Normally the two weeks between conference championship games and the super bowl is, in a word, excruciating. It's filled with a lot of predictions, a lot of hype, and then a massive let down when the game blows ass. It's getting worse though. You used to be able to bank on the commercials entertaining you after you realized there's no way the team you bet on is covering the spread. But for the past few years even the legendary commercials haven't been as strong.

This year the two weeks is different though. Mainly because it's all pointless. The Pats are going to win. Why the fuck even bother if the commercials are going to blow too. So now I find myself looking into February not for football, but for baseball. That's right folks! Pitchers and catchers report in three and a half weeks! You thought I had a drinking problem with the NFL? Wait until you watch me try and grind through 162 games with those pink-hat wearing fuckheads over in Fenway. I'll be dead by the all-star break, I just know it.

Spurned by Garrett, Ravens turn to Tom Emanski...errrr John Harbaugh

Apparently, Jason Garrett wanted the loot.  The Paper.  The cash.   That and he didnt want to be tied down to an aging roster of has been playmakers in need of a complete offensive overhaul.

Garrett, who was brought into Dallas last year to be the offensive coordinator and head coach to be, turned down overtures from both Baltimore and Atlanta to, instead, collect a fattie paycheck as the assistant HC and OC in Dallas.  Reports have his deal at 3 million per.  The Ravens were offering just under 3.  So instead of having to deal with finding a new receiver corps, a new QB, offensive line help and help along an aging defense, Garrett will inherit a talented Cowboys team that will invariably fire their Mayor McCheese-looking coach, Wade "My Father's Name is Bum But He Was Still Highly Regarded" Phillips.

Meanwhile in The Clap Capital of the East Coast (or Baltimore as its known in Maryland), the Ravens hired John Harbaugh.  No, not Jim Harbaugh...his brother, John.  He spent last year as the secondary coach for the Philadelphia Eagles.  The Eagles were ranked 18th against the pass this past season.  I imagine that the bitter taste of defeat is running through the 14 secondary coaches who Harbaugh "outperformed" and I'm sure he 17 that out performed him are rightfully red assed.

Harbaugh comes from a long line of mediocre NFL talent and should be able to turn the Ravens around because he's younger than 3/4 of the roster.  Good luck with that champ.

Personally the Good Doc (thats me, I dont spend time explaining my nicknames and handles I just let other people catch up...I call it the DB Cooper method) think that Baltimore, whose offense has been stagnant for as long as this NFL guy can remember, should have gone back to the basics.  They should have called the coach of the AAU back to back to back national champion baseball team.  Baseball you say?  Well seeing as how the Baltimore ranked a sterling 25th in passing, maybe a back to the basics approach is what is needed to throwing the ball.  Not to mention that Mr. Emanski has a far greater coaching history than John Harbaugh.  Maybe the Crime Dog could sway their opinions.

The old guard vs. the new guard

I never thought that I would refer to Tom Brady as the Old Guard along with Brett Farve, but I think its justified. Both have very attractive wives/girlfriends. Brett's wife still looks banging after the boob cancer. According to a well placed source in green bay, Mrs. Farve sometimes will leave the house looking less than perfect, but lets be honest.... I work at a grocery store and there are way more people who will never be attractive no matter what they do, so if someone wants to have a down day... so be it.

Not bad right ?

Tom Brady managed to hook it up with not one but two vagainas worth looking at with an intensity seen only by your computer screen when you decide to rub one out.


Bridget Moynahan managed to have a uterus made of steel, because any other womans uterus couldn't hold his sperm. At least thats what Bill Simmons believes.

The second girl is Gisele Bundchen, or the one of the worlds richest and hottest supermodels.




Fuck man.... the old guard has attractive women by their sides.

Lets take a look at the new guard. By this I mean Philip and Elisha. The #1 and #4 draft picks that ended up switching. This might of also helped out the 'bolts a bit when they picked up Shawn and Nate in the subsequent drafts.

Using Wikepedia as a source, Elisha Manning... not gay. Who knew. Apparently he's been dating this broad for a couple of years. She's really not doing anything for his self confidence, because look at the kid. They look like they are still juniors at the fraternity date party.







But good for you Eli, because before this blog post, I was sure that you were gay.

Now onto people who probably surf the internet in womens underwear. Phillip Rivers. This jackass is married with three kids. Who knew. I sure didn't.

I can't find a picture of this biddy on the internets..... so I'm not going to make fun of her.

Things that I think will happen on this given Sunday

1)Eli will have boogers frozen to his lips and his mom will come out during halftime to wipe them away... all on t.v.
2)Al Harris will just destroy any hope that Plaxico has of being the superstar he should be but won't be because he's what my 3rd grade teacher called me "Talented but lazy"
3)Shawne Merriman will collect a bounty from Big Daddy Drew for Tom Brady's knees
4)L.T. will gain no more than 75 yards agains the pats. Lightning will be stopped by the stiffness of colonial america

5)I will spend the day enjoying my couch, my remote, and occasionally getting up to have explosive shits....

Mitchapalooza part two: The Rocket gets angry

Roger got pissed at the reporters. Like very pissed. Pissed like someone who was hiding something and was using anger to try and force his point. This is a common used technique. Its also a symptom of steroid abuse. That whole rage thing. Some of the "analysts"who are employed by espn actually had some good point(s). The first one, and probably the only one worth talking about was that Roger never asked the Bri-man to change his story in any way because if he did, it could be considered witness tampering. I'm not a legal expert and I don't claim to be. I once went to traffic court for the experience, but this made sense. Although I really don't see the Bri-man getting on the stand in defense of Roger, seeing as how Roger just sued his ass in civil court.

Lets take a look at Rogers stats.

-He was a force on the mound for 7-8 years in bean town. Then he kinda shit the bed and was traded to the Blue Jays.
-He was a Blue Jay for two years and was cash money.
-Then he became a Yankee. He played for five years and was a twenty game winner once, but was kinda eh....well in the post season. There was that game he pitched against Boston and was shelled.
-14 and 10 post season pitching record...I've seen better, but I've seen way worse. Considering the pressure and the fact that I couldn't do it. I'm just going to make generalizations that can't be argued due to the wiggle room in the statement..

I think he took the 'roids. Then again everyone in the 50's thru the 80's took greenies. I learned about it from Jim Bouton.

Roger did make a statement that he didn't care about the Hall of Fame. I think thats shit. I dreamed of being in the HOF when I was in T-Ball.

Bowlin'

Hawaii went bowling this weekend, and Colt Brennan wound up throwing a bunch of gutter balls. Get it? Yeah, fuck you too.

I missed out on the excitement of the Florida/Michigan game due to be extremely hungover from the previous nights festivities. And tired too. Pucking up 5 pounds of Goldfish crackers takes a lot out of you! However, I can say that Michigan's victory being a huge upset shows you just how far Lloyd Carr - and Michigan in general - has fallen over the course of this year.

Then came the Rose Bowl. Started off well, assuming you were a USC fan. The Illini were able to hang around for a quarter thanks to their defense, but Juice Williams just couldn't get anything going against the USC defense. In the end USC flexed their impressive offensive and defensive muscles and crushed the Illini, much like their namesake was once before.

And of course, there's Hawaii. SEC is better than the WAC. By a lot. That wasn't even close. The score was close at first, but you could tell Georgia was simply wearing down the Rainbow Warriors so they could dominate the second half. And that they did. Georgia didn't even need to blitz to get pressure on Colt Brennan, and when they did, it wasn't pretty. I'm guessing this game cost Colt Brennan a lot of money, as I seriously doubt he'll be drafted in the first round after this game. He'll be a steal for a good team in need of a solid back-up with a quick release though if he slips past the 3rd round.